Excellent photo from Gerd of life as a scooter rider
Tag: Funny
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Zhong He Camping
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Stairway to Heaven
I had one of the best rides of the last few months on Saturday. Several sections have been intimidating me for some time, especially because some of the rest of the crew are a bit more daring than me when doing bigger stuff.
However, I was feeling strong and confident (all important) and the conditions were excellent. For the record, the weather in Taipei in November is truly wonderful – a light English summer day with clear skies and none of the usual horrendous humidity. A perfect set-up for mountain biking heroics!
My primary nemsis in the past few months has been a very demanding set of steps to climb up. A series of steps, placed about 2 metres apart get progressivly higher until the final step with is over a foot tall. Several of the more experienced riders demonstrate a technique of gently lifting the front wheel up the step and then bunny-hopping the rear up, without losing balance for the next one. I have attempted it in more times than I care to remember, usually ending up in swearing at the hill, which does not help, but certainly it feels good!
This, however, was my day. The technique, finally was correct, the speed slow but confident and I smoothly lifted the bike up step by step until I collapsed in a heap of glee, a wave of intense joy hitting me. Finally!
Jonny 1 – Hill 15This return to confidence continued in two further sections of hard, technical downhilling that I had previously walked down. So, all in all, a wonderful giant-killing day. Perfect for a balls out night on the town!
Bishan Camping Ground…
Information signs at the stairway
Taiwanese people are a bit neurotic about their little fluffy dogs!
George of the jungle
First attempt at the dreaded step drops ended in success (and a sore bum)
Team 7117 in effect! -
Wanko
HK clothing brand that makes me laugh! A great social weekend and a solo mountain bike ride on Sunday to test ride my new disc brakes. Unfortunately, I missed the morning (national holiday) ride due to hangover issues … but you can’t have everything … and I feel I made up for it by studying Chinese for a few hours. Such is life in Taiwan – I always feel guilty if I am not doing something constructive here. It contrasts with the UK, where I am perfectly happy to sit in the garden staring at clouds all afternoon. I guess the pace and culture are infectious.
Wanko -
C*nt
My local spectacles shop
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To Feel Exuberan Tly Happy
Say no more.
More Scooter English.
To Feel Exuberan Tly Happy -
Starcatcher
Smoking stackThe Taipei city council are a resourceful lot. Not only do they build a rubbish incinerator, but they heat a swimming pool from the excess energy. Not content with limiting themselves to mere swimming, they also saw fit to mount a revolving restaurant to the top of the multi-coloured chimney stack.
Thus, when eating here the stench of rubbish and diesel from the legions of trucks complements the sophisticated atmosphere and forceful service.
I also met a couple of new designers – Wouter from Holland and Nik… from London! Yeah, another Brit dude to complement myself, James and Dean. We are catching up with those pesky Germans, finally.
Getting wasted with the boys -
Grandad we love you
I just received am e-mail from my father inviting me out for my Grandpa’s 91st birthday.
Upon being reminded that he can expect a telegram from the Queen in 9 years time he replied “If she’s still alive” – there is life in the old dog yet!
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Scooter License
After a year of rocketing around on an International Driving License, the time finally came to sign up for a real, bona fide Taiwanese scooter license. After the devastating failure the previous week of failing the computerised ‘written’ element, we tried again (completing the test on the government web-site would have helped, seeing as it is an exact copy of the final exam… over confidence!).
The total test format is as follows:
1. Height and weight test (where everyone in the room can see)
2. Eye test – basically involves saying which way an arrow is pointing…
The examination room rigorously tests the potential drivers … total chaos3. ‘Physical Exam’ – squat once and grip your hands … all overseen by a doctor!
4. The dreaded computerised exam … split into multiple choice and true/false sections. Easy if you practice – I got 98%!
The test room – you have about 20 minutes for the test. 4 minutes is more reasonable
As an example, I got both of these questions incorrect in the previous attempt…5. The real driving test! The test course (if you can call it that) could probably fit into a school gymnasium. The first section you pass by driving very slowly (unnatural on this island) along a perfectly straight line, and you fail if you take less than 7 seconds or if you touch the sensitive strip along the sides – this is actually surprisingly difficult!
Then, you meet a series of tests. First, is a red traffic light. If you successfully stop at this, go when it is green, and repeat the same thing for a pedestrian and then railway crossing you pass! That’s it!
The test course… 
Some ‘tricks’ for passing the Sailfish test – whatever that means.
The main ‘straight’ – you can see the test strips and counter. If you fail all manner of buzzers and sirens go off… it is taiwan after all.
Will he pass!? As soon as you reach the end of the speed test you have pretty much nailed the test. Only a fool would fail at a traffic light (michael 😉 ) -
Ximen Operatics Society
A voice like sandpaper singing songs of painful death (I think)I met this fella singing his heart out on his portable bike-mounted Karaoke system. Karaoke gets everywhere in Taiwan, people are surprisingly good and it is a massively popular way to spend a Friday night. For this guy, though, he is unlikely to find fame in the near future.
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Scooter English
It is high time that I posted an entry, since I have been quiet for a few weeks. I now have enough photos of scooters to warrant a full homage to Taiwanese ‘Scooter English’. I am sure this post will grow, since I am sometimes howling with laughter at the genius of some of the prose. Sit back, and absorb…
My scooter: “Duke … ECOLOGY NEW STAND & NEW LIFE”
“We reach for the sky. Neither does civilization … SNIPER”
“GENERATION POLLUTION ON THE EARTH LOW 50 FREINDL LIGHT NO. 01 POLLUTION FRIENDLY SCOOTER NEW”
“TACT … MET-IN … JUST FOR YOU THE NEW GENERATION … FAST FIRST AND BEST”
“Going … MOVE YOUR CREATIVE HEART”
“Your future depends on … MOVIE 125”
“JOG IS FASCINATING TO YOU”
“Going … KYMCO BRINGS OUT THE GENIUS IN YOUR CHOICE”
“Jockey are riding with us”
“THE BEST FUNCTION AND GOOD SENSATION“
“CHACHA … KEEP CLEAN, KEEP PLEASANT, KEEP HEALTHY … GIVING YOU THE BEST SENSATION ALL I HAVE”
“Dio … SHUTTLE IN THE CITY JUNGLE. THE NEW SPEEDY SNAIL CLAN CHARACTERISTIC. DIGNIFIED. AGGRESSIVE”
“CAOW … WITH FASHIONABLE FEELING”
“MAN … enjoy yourself … boy”
“YOU GOT TO FEEL … FEVER … THE HAPPINESS OF RIDING”
“Junior … THE GLARING HEADLIGHTS OF A MOTORCAR”
“SHEN YANG … THE NEW GENERATIONAL SCOOTER FRON EARTH”
“J\O\G … IS FASCINATING TO YOU”
“GOING … THE MORE YOU LOOK THE MORE YOU LIKE”
“125 … FOR NEW CENTURY”
“Spanking … The Dreaming Touring Motor With Spanking Kwang Yang Scooter 100E”After a whole year of being surrounded by this, it does begin to become invisible to you – a shame. However, occasionally I will walk along a row of scooters with camera blazing, chuckling away to myself. I do feel jealous a little of newcomers who point every strange thing out – things I cannot see any more.
Although it seems very funny, this is the relationship with English that most local designers seem to have. And I have to work with them, using Roman characters to ‘decorate’ their designs. Frankly, we are often the same in Europe – exotic Chinese symbols seem trés chic tatooed onto our arms, eh.
Update:
Lars had some extra photos lying around of scooters. Some new, some when I had no camera – if only you could take photos at traffic lights you could get so much more lyrical goodness … I can see this taking a life of its own!
“FOVEP … YOU GET TO FOOL THE HARRINESS OF RIOING”
“Freeway … specializing in boble model street bike for noble life”
“TACT … MET-IN … JUST FOR YOU, THE NEW GENERATION”
“RR … RIDDING ON THE WING.”
“SNIPER … AEROTYPE … Just for wind cutting”
“THE EPOCHAL SCOOTER”
“SANYANG … THE BEST FUNCTION AND SENSATION … KING OF THE RIDER”
“FOR TOUR NICE SCENE”
“FANGIER … NEW EDITION FOR YOUNG PEOPLE … GET AWAY WITH IT ALL”A new wave…
Duck – Be Pure – 125 SP – To resist drugs and violence – amazing
Dock – THE DUKE TEAM SO SPEEDING & DOMINANT
6 – THE FRIENDLE SCOOTER ON EARON – ER
To Feel Exuberan Tly Happy
LAEIH (?) – HAHAH
A SUPER SPEED – WE OFFER TOU SAFETY AND QUALITY
And so it continues…
